What is the typical idea of a good daughter as often prescribed by society? A daughter is someone who is meant to conform to the societal notions of getting married to a suitable bridegroom and responsible for procreation for social stability where her agency doesn’t exist as all the decisions regarding her are mostly taken by parents and society. From childhood, she is constantly being introduced to societal values, customs, and norms to ensure her end goal of a successful marriage. The daughter’s expectations and emotions are almost neglected especially in the institution of marriage because of the inherited notions and beliefs of the patriarchal society that her own choice would end up destabilizing the social order.
The social construct definition of a daughter reflects the mainstream society that has always been promoting meta-son preference. This ratifies the fact that the concern over girls starts even before birth. When the parents have no choice except to accept their daughter then they start setting developmental goals and their main concern is to shape her expressive role which includes the thoughts, beliefs, virtues, morals, and obligations that make her a suitable choice for marriage. This developmental goal is deeply rooted in patriarchal notions of raising a daughter to ensure her end goal of marriage and this marriage concept shapes the relationship between the daughter and their parents. By making marriage an end goal for the daughter, her life will get confined to certain roles and responsibilities which restricts her from achieving her highest possible aspirations which might lead her to a new zenith. With her achievement, she might challenge these patriarchal notions of confining girls to household work. A daughter is subjected to a stringent patriarchal society to shape her thoughts, beliefs, virtues, morals, and obligations that make her a suitable choice for marriage. This ratifies the fact that the daughter is being imposed with unfair burdens and expectations which curbs her sense of individuality. A daughter’s end goal shouldn’t be preordained by patriarchal notions rather it should be her own choice whether to get married or not. After marriage, the daughter is posed with certain challenges and sacrifices to look after the house and she is pushed for procreation to maintain the continuity of the life cycle to reaffirm the social normativity unquestionably. The daughter’s psychological and emotional needs are neglected as the parents want their daughter to get married to their choice. This contradicts the fact if the daughter is capable of making the right decision in her career then she will be equally capable of choosing her life partner/companion. Society thinks that daughters will get easily manipulated by men which will result in wrong/unsuccessful/ill-matched marriage thus resulting in the destitution of the daughter which would ultimately destabilize the social order. Marriage as an institution helps in unifying the two families whose consent becomes valuable while the daughter who serves as the means to marriage is neglected. The social norm of marriage becomes a contract that alleviates the desires and agency of the daughter. Additionally, the institution of marriage holds an unjust advantage that shapes the identity of a daughter which must be eliminated to provide a larger space for the development of a daughter through the exercise of her agency. Life is only one, if the end goal is preordained/pre-scripted then it reduces the possibility of achievement of daughters from sports to education which will hamper the developmental goals of society.
This definition translates into society’s notion of the upbringing of a daughter as a means to an end, which is her marriage, and this becomes a defining character in the relationship between a daughter and her parents. A daughter is subjected to a stringent environment to inculcate in her so-called virtues, morals, and obligations that make her a suitable choice for marriage. It places an unfair burden and anxiety on a daughter by creating an artificial role for her outside her subjectivity that curbs aspirations and individuality. After marriage, the daughter is then expected to make immense sacrifices unquestioningly and become a medium for the continuation of progeny maintaining an established cycle of normativity in society. Matrimonial alliances that have been a part of society for centuries reflect a grim disregard for the agency of a daughter being married solely for the interest of two families/ interest groups/factions. It becomes a contract for everything from societal normativity to alliances except for the agency and desires of a daughter. Marriage as an institution holds an unjust advantage and hegemony over shaping the identity of a daughter which needs to be directed by complete liberty of choice and a space for the personal development of the daughter.
In my opinion, a daughter is an individual who must not be subjected to stringent patriarchal notions and must possess to live her life fully. Girls are not only meant for the expressive role rather they are meant for an instrumental role as well. She is not meant to be looked at from the perspectives of behavior, morals, kindness, intimacy, etc. rather as someone who can achieve anything if not constrained by the social construct. Apart from her bodily beauty, she should be recognized in terms of innate beauty and the ability she possesses. She should be looked at as an asset for the family and not a burden for the family meant to get married. She should be raised without girl child neglect, meta son preference, and just a future wife/mother. A daughter should not be confined within the trope of patriarchy which shapes her identity. Moreover, a daughter should be given full liberty to choose their companion and must not impose unfair burdens of following the inherited norms and values that curb her sense of individuality. This social subjugation should not neglect the emotions of the daughter and even she should be promoted for equal opportunities. Such social reforms are required as we know that daughters have the capabilities to break the generational curses which are evident from the female figures of history like Kannagi, Nangeli, Kanaklata Barua, etc. Recent studies have also found that if more women are educated then they will end up resulting in an increment of 3-5 percent of the country’s GDP. Additionally, the institution of marriage holds an unjust advantage that shapes the identity of a daughter which must be eliminated to provide a larger space for the development of a daughter through the exercise of her agency. Life is only one, if the end goal is preordained/pre-scripted then it reduces the possibility of achievement of daughters from sports to education which will hamper the developmental goals of society. Thus, the freedom of daughters is inevitable for achieving the developmental goal of society.
The presence of patriarchal notions in society has proven that marriage should be conducted to settle their life is unavoidable as society does not acknowledge spinsterhood. So, a law should be made concerning the consent of daughters that would end up eliminating two things: unfair burdens and restrictions imposed on daughters and their liability to parents on their partner choices. The only reason they are supposed to be inferior or not capable is that society has never given them the liberty of any means of expression. Thus, a law should be proposed concerning ‘individuality and freedom of daughters’ which should be added to article 21 which ensures the ‘right to life and personal liberty. Despite our Indian Constitution having ensured ‘equal pay for equal work’ for both men and women under article 39 (d) still, women are facing glass ceilings because of the malestream society. This law is enacted at the procedural level while at the substantive level, it is not followed in some fields. For example, male actors are paid more in comparison to female actors. Since society has always been inclined toward societal norms rather than law, the law should be enforced thereby neglecting norms that would end up ‘breaking of glass ceilings for the daughters’. This law should be made justiciable and enforceable hence it should be enacted in fundamental rights. Daughters are being subjected to ‘girl child neglect’ which is evident from the fact that daughters are being breastfed for about 2 months in comparison to sons. Most commonly, they get less care and attention in childhood which depends on the values of their parents. At later ages of life, daughters are facing reproductive health issues because of not expressing their health to their parents because of considering these issues a taboo subject. Thus, the elimination of neglect of girls will not only be possible through spreading awareness and education but a legal procedure should be enacted to force their parents to look after their daughters. For instance, in my opinion, the 21-year age policy for the daughters to get married is justified because by this age daughters get biologically and emotionally mature. Moreover, a law should be made to be a clear-cut sexual division of labor to operate efficiently as a social system.
The daughter should not be defined through the malestream perspectives rather she should be defined in terms of individuality. As per social norms, girls are only meant for marriage to continue the lineage that defines the relationship between parents and daughters. She also has a life so she should get liberty whether to get married or not. Society believes that after marriage she will be dependent on her husband either financially or emotionally. This is possible through correcting the distortions present in the patriarchal mindset which can be possible through promoting the daughters for education and gaining financial independence and if they don’t get married at an early age then they will also gain emotional maturity as well. Our society targets the beautiful bodies of girls in marriage but this notion should be changed which is possible through the merit and achievement of girls. If the girls will be excelling in their fields then their talent will beat the beauty. In doing so, they would not be seen merely as commodities for marriages. According to societal notions, daughters are supposed to be docile, submissive, and coy which constricts them in the grip of deep-rooted patriarchy. The problem is within the social structure which must change by adopting a suitable culture, values, and norms that would be sufficient for the daughters to be liberated from social constraints. Differences between boys and girls are widened through canalization from childhood as girls are given dolls, soft toys, and domestic objects to play with while boys are given guns and bricks. Even in the 21st century, despite some important improvements in the position of women in society, there are still many areas of social life where gender differences and inequalities remain.
Article By – Atul Kumar Yadav, A student of the University of Delhi (Ramjas College)
