Question: What inspired you to write “Dignity and Grace in the Sunset Years”? Can you share a personal experience or observation that motivated you to explore this topic?
Answer: As far as I can remember, the idea first germinated in me during my school days when I was about twelve to thirteen years old and later on solidified as a resolve during my early working life. I have discussed this in two episodes covered in chapter-1. During my school days, I used to accompany my mother when she visited her ailing mother and every time she cried profusely after coming back home, seeing the helpless condition of my maternal grandmother. My mother had four brothers but none of them looked after their ailing mother and even give her proper food defying the dictates of their wives. The old and infirm lady, who took the pains in her heydays to bring up eight children, was left to rot in a small dingy room at the rooftop with a tin roof that was like a furnace during summer and there was no fan. It was more than clear, even to an adolescent like me to understand that they were waiting for their mother to die. Within myself, I had promised to myself that I would never give pains to my parents when I grow up and look after them up to their last breath. But, when such time in real life came, I found it was almost impossible to keep up my promise. My mother died in her sleep due to a cardiac arrest in her hospital bed, so none in the family was inconvenienced to take care of her. Her last days were spent among nurses and doctors but that was not the case for my father who was bed-ridden and paralyzed after undergoing a cerebral stroke a few years after my mother’s death. No hospital was ready to admit him and hence, had to be given palliative care at home. We are three brothers, but ironically, none of the three wives was ready to take care of the helpless old man. He breathed his last after going into a coma and I was a mere spectator ruefully admitting that I failed to keep my promise. I could not help my father during his last days. As if, to compensate for that lapse, I made up my mind to write this book so that many such fathers could take preparatory measures for their hard days.
Question: In your book, you have discussed various real life episodes illustrating the challenges faced by senior citizens. Can you describe one such story that particularly resonated with you and why?
Answer: The very first chapter of my book precisely addresses this issue you have raised. I have narrated as many as thirteen episodes highlighting how poorly and rudely the seniors are treated in our society. Nevertheless, to specifically address your question, I will narrate this poignant and tragic incident that happened in my life about half a century back. As I recollect, the year was 1964 and I was then only sixteen years old. I bagged a free merit seat in a renowned government engineering college and wanted to share my joy with one of my close friends, staying about four kilometres away from my home.
I hopped in a double decker bus that used to ply in the city in those days. The bus was badly overcrowded and I was hanging on the footboard. I remember that the bus halted in a bus stop and a fresh bunch of passengers squeezed in. As soon as the bus started to move and gain speed, there was a loud sound of something cracking and the driver suddenly applied the brake. In the resultant shock, I and a few others were thrown out on the road. There was a huge commotion, the passengers got down and surrounded the driver to take him to task for his rough driving. But, to their surprise, they discovered that the driver had fainted with his head resting on the huge steering wheel. There was a further shocking surprise waiting for them. The right front wheel of the bus was drenched in blood and a person’s head was stuck below the wheel. But the victim was still alive.
As the driver was not functional, the bus could not be moved. Some passengers chipped in, put the bus in the neutral gear and pushed to move the bus and extricate the body. It was a man in his late sixties and appeared mentally deranged and physically undernourished. Soon thereafter, he breathed his last but he could communicate that he took his own life and his son and daughter in law were responsible for that. His parting request to the crowd was to inform his son and daughter in law.
Soon, the police arrived and took the driver into custody. The driver was insisting that it was not his fault as the man himself had jumped in front of the bus and got run over before the driver could apply the brake. The police launched an intensive investigation and questioning. Soon, it came to light that the man was not poor at all and had his own house in the next bye lane. He had lost his wife recently and was being taken care of by his son and daughter in law. The entire locality was aware of the fact that the retired old man was left to the mercy of his son and daughter in law who thoroughly neglected him, not giving proper food and medicine and kept him starving. That very morning when the man committed suicide, there was a bitter show down and the son and daughter in law drove the man out of his own house, telling him not to come back again and the helpless man had no- where to go.
As a young boy, observing all these, I was wondering how cruel and heartless the relatives could be, how careless and callous the neighbours could be and how toothless and ineffective the laws could be as a son could drive out his father from his own house with absolute impunity. The idea of writing this book dawned on me then itself and it took about half a century to fulfil my promise to myself.
Question: You highlight several factors contributing to the erosion of dignity for seniors. Which of these factors do you believe is the most challenging to address and how it can be effectively tackled?
Answer: In my book, I have enumerated seven factors contributing to the erosion of dignity and respect for the elderly that are originated from the society and the environment at large i.e. external to the senior citizen concerned. I have also enumerated another seven factors that originate from the senior citizens themselves i.e. internal to the senior citizen. All these fourteen factors are given equal weightage i.e. I have not ranked them in order of importance or impact. But, in order to answer your question specifically, I feel the factor that does the maximum damage has not been mentioned in them. That is the senior citizens’ tendency of clinging to the past i.e. basking in the glory of their bygone days.
During our working years, we reach the top most level in our respective profession just before retirement i.e. we are at the pinnacle of glory. Suddenly, when that status is taken away, virtually overnight, we take a long time to get adjusted to the status of a non-entity and keep foolishly and arrogantly throw our weight around. We become a laughing stock and virtual nuisance to the society. We should, by all means, let bygone be bygone and quickly get adjusted to the new reality so as to preserve our own grace and dignity. This tendency I have observed mostly among the personnel retired from the armed forces, of course, no offence meant. They are allowed to keep mentioning their rank with their names even after retirement as long as they are alive. Perhaps, that gives them the false impression that they are still in power. They trend to treat everybody else in the society as their sub-ordinates and make a fool of themselves.
Question: How does the transition from active professional life to retirement impact an individual’s sense of identity and dignity? What practical steps can seniors take to redefine their identity after retirement?
Answer: For preserving the dignity and grace for a senior citizen after retirement by re-inventing and re-establishing himself in the society is an extremely crucial aspect in the last twenty five years in a senior citizen’s life. I have taken a good lot of pain to elaborate on this aspect at length in this book. Most of us, working in the organized sectors make a blunder by believing or living under the impression that our identity in the office is the ‘ be all and end all’ of our existence, overlooking the fact that we generally outlive our organized sector working life by as many as twenty five long years. How to live with dignity during this prolonged period of life? We have a few options.
The first one is, of course, surrendering ourselves to the apparently inevitable and live the balance years in anonymity and oblivion, a sure shot recipe for loss of dignity and grace. The second option is : ‘ We will cross the bridge when we come near it’ approach, i.e. try your luck inly after you retire. In general, it does not work out. We soon discover that during the period we were basking in our professional glory, the world has changed and we are no longer relevant. The third type is prior preparation for a renewed / re-established identity. As long as we accept that earning money need not be our only purpose of a meaningful life, we have several avenues like surreptitiously preparing for an alternative profession like medicine, Ayush and law. These ideas have been discussed elaborately in the book. Here, there is a word of caution: don’t ever discuss or declare and publicize your efforts for alternative identity. People around will be up and doing in throwing cold water upon your enthusiastic endeavour.
Question: Your book emphasises the importance of legal safeguards for seniors. Can you elaborate on some of the most significant legal protections available in India and globally that seniors should be aware of.
Answer: legislations aim at legal entitlement of senior citizens for some rights and privileges. Senior citizens, by and large, almost all over the developed and developing world, enjoy some types of legal entitlements and privileges bestowed by respective governments and societies in various forms and ways. For the economically developed world, these legislations for the seniors provide a kind of secondary layer of protection, the primary one being the social security system meant for all the citizens afforded by high taxation rates, quite unlike the rates in the developing world.
In the developing world, such a social security cover is, by and large, absent till now. So, for the seniors, these special legislations provide the primary cover and, thus, they are very important. Chapter six of my book has been dedicated to this important topic. India is one such developing country. The country’s constitution provides certain guarantees for special rights and privileges for the senior citizen community, as a whole. Specifically, there have been a few landmark legislations in this regards:
- The Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens’ Act, 2007,
- The Maintenance and Welfare of parents and Senior Citizens’ (Amendment) Bill, 2019, and
- Parents’ Pension Bill, 2024.
All these legislations are path breaking and revolutionary in Indian legal system. The first act provides for more effective steps for protection of rights of senior citizens which was buried into the grey areas of life and to bring it into the mainstream. The second one involves improvement and changes that would impart a wider scope for protection and welfare of senior citizens. One of the outstanding features of this bill is that a senior citizen can take back his property from his children in case they fail or refuse to look after him. The third one has the novel provision that a deceased son’s pension will be split into two parts, one for the parents and the other for the widowed wife. The details of these rules have been discussed in chapter six.
In my book, I have also discussed similar legislations in other countries and economies just for comparative study. Countries both in the developed and the developing world have been covered. The developed countries covered are USA, UK, Australia and Japan and developing countries considered are India, Pakistan, Brazil and South Africa. This comparative analysis reveals that such legislations for the senior citizens are more comprehensive in India and USA. Given to understand that there is already a functional social security system for every citizen in place, legal provisions for seniors additionally is commendable in the US.
Question: You discuss both social and personal factors affecting seniors. What roles do family members and care givers play in preserving or diminishing a senior’s dignity and how can they contribute positively?
Answer: As charity, they say, begins at home, so do ignominy and humiliation to the seniors, begin at home. All the platitudes about relationships notwithstanding, the scenario of relationships for senior citizens in our society are very grim. After all, it is the power equation that rules the roost. With the loss of professional identity accompanying retirement, a senior loses power in his own family first and in the social circle next.
Emotionally satisfying relationships and the social and emotional support they provide buffer the older adults against the challenges inherent in the ageing process such as negative health changes, infirmities, decline in cognitive functioning or possible social losses of eminence. Elderly individuals may rely on family or extended family to take care of them when they have physical ailments or health needs. Social and family support system is also useful in helping those who may have difficulty getting around with their daily tasks and needs.
A spirit of accommodation, cooperation, compassion coupled with a sense of gratitude on the part of the younger family members can go a long way in preserving dignity and grace of the seniors in their sunset years. But then this is a tall order calling for a thorough overhaul of our value system. The book discusses this issue threadbare. But, at the end of the day, it should be borne in mind that this book is addressed more to the senior citizen community rather than the caregivers and family members.
Question: What common misconception about ageing and dignity do you encounter and how you address them in your book?
Answer: This misconception, as mentioned here, is of two kinds i.e. internal and external to the senior citizen concerned. Some misconception and wrong ideas the senior citizens may have developed within themselves about themselves, with advancing age, some misconception, on the other hand, the others around may have about the elderly members of society. This book addresses the former rather than the later. For the later, the senior citizens themselves can take some protective measures. This topic has been discussed in chapter three of this book.
The misconceptions of the first kind are self-defeating sense of inadequacy developed within the seniors. The book recommends three qualities and attributes the seniors can assiduously cultivate and even master in order to primarily preserve their own dignity and honour. These qualities enumerated are: attitude, self-esteem and life dedicated to a purpose. These features with their importance have been discussed in depth in this book. For combating the misconception prevailing among others vis-à-vis seniors, a changed value system cultivated by the seniors is required. The book discusses these values.
Question: In your view, how can seniors maintain a positive mind set and a sense of purpose as they navigate the challenges of ageing? Are there specific activities or attitudes you recommend?.
Answer: As the title of the book suggests, this is the core concept of this book and accordingly, has been discussed in depth. At the very first place, the senior has to believe that seniority accompanied by infirmity is not inferiority. They have to maintain a healthy and stubborn positive attitude towards age and ageing process. It is a curious thing to observe that if the seniors respect their own seniority, others would follow suit. Of course, seniors have to do some course correction before they become seniors. Those preparatory measures have also been discussed in this book.
The crux of the issue is attitude and activities are but the visible outward manifestation of that attitude. Attitude is internal to the senior citizen and the accompanying activities are for others to see. Old age today does not necessarily resemble that of an earlier era. Today’s grandparents can be shockingly well preserved in appearance and disconcertingly frisky in manner. Greater consciousness about one’s health and diet has meant that one is physically much more robust at a more advanced age than was the case in earlier times. Advances in healthcare and medical science have also allowed people to live honourably with ailments once considered debilitating and terminal.
Finding a purpose worth living is the icing on the cake of life. A life dedicated to a purpose derives its divinity from the greatness and profundity of that purpose. A life dedicated to a noble purpose is a life divine and can’t be tarnished or impaired by advancing age. How to identify a meaningful purpose in our life to live for has been discussed in depth in this book.
Question: Given your extensive career in both industry and academia, how did your professional experience shape your perspective on the issue faced by senior citizens?
Answer: It is a very interesting question for me personally, to answer. As a matter of fact, the very reason of shifting my career from manufacturing industry to academics was to preserve my dignity and grace at my old age. I feel, at this stage, I owe an explanation to the readers.
In our society in India, these two worlds of professional endeavour, i.e. corporate career and academic career are poles apart. The most disconcerting aspect I observed was that each has got utter disregard for the other. In my judgment, a corporate career is a power career and a corporate executive uses his authority vested in his position to get things done and how much knowledge he has in a particular subject, is comparatively immaterial and irrelevant. On the other hand, an academic career is a knowledge career, an academician is a knowledge worker and how much he knows about a particular subject is very important for him to command respect.
But, at the end of the day, this difference results in fallout that has tremendous implications as far as retaining dignity and grace at old age is concerned. The obvious and common sense implication is that upon retirement, a corporate executive loses his power and authority along with dignity whereas, an academician can retain his dignity and grace after retirement because knowledge is not lost with the loss of power and position. This distinction is also reflected in the fact that the age of retirement for a corporate employee is sixty years and that of an academician is sixty five years in India. There is one more encouraging aspect. An academician can remain employed up to an age far beyond his retirement age as a visiting or adjunct faculty.
Interestingly, in advanced countries like the USA, an academician can earn his daily bread with dignity and grace up to the age of as high as hundred years. That is one of the major reasons that I had a career shift from manufacturing industry to academics. Of course, this transition was not easy. I had to acquire a good lot of academic qualifications at an advanced age. But, that has paid off.
Question: What do you hope readers take away from your book? Are there any particular changes or actions you hope to inspire among seniors, their families and policy makers?
Answer: All living beings, including the animals, live on hope and I am no exception in that regard. This entire painstaking exercise I have undertaken purely based on such hope. My fond hope is that firstly, my book reaches a wide spectrum of readers and secondly, they should not lose hope about their future and the crystallized inspiration and recommendation I make for the readers are:
- Get convinced about the basic fact that health and character are more important than education, which, in turn, is more important than wealth. If you have all these three in place, wealth will follow. So, preserve your health and character and acquire more education along with accumulating wealth as safeguards during the sunset years.
- Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Diversify your qualification with the requisite training to develop multiple professional identities with multiple sources of income.
- Learn to be comfortable with yourself and even a lonely life. Treat relationships like deceptive quick sand. Relationships will keep changing with age and accompanying infirmities. Expect ingratitude.
Come to terms with the fact that your spouse is the most dependable relative you can have in your old age. Maintain good relationship with her at all cost. Don’t allow your parents or your siblings or your children to interfere in your conjugal relationship. You can expect only your spouse to be with you up to your last breath. Your parents may not live that long and children will leave you.
